"Argument Culture": Implications for Religious Discussions

I am writing this post having read only a short passage out of Deborah Tannen's "The Argument Culture: Stopping America's War of Words." Actually, I've only read two entire pages.

Even so far, Tannen has made quite the argument, and it is one I agree with almost completely. Here's a quote: "Public discourse requires making an argument for a point of view, not having an argument" (Tannen, p.4).

It seems that today, everything is completely enveloped in the idea that there are two sides to every story, and inevitably, this means that someone is either right or wrong. The trouble with this is that while we claim our correctness and others' ignorance, we are closing ourselves off to others' points of view. This makes for an arrogant, cruel society, where nobody has any room to breathe, let alone think for themselves.

I used to think that our culture always supported open-mindedness and contemplation and reflection on other views and ideas. But as a free-thinking adult, I now see the opposite. For me, this always materializes itself in the conversations I have about my religion or my eating habits. As a Christian vegetarian, I certainly don't fit the "norm" -- certainly not as a Christian and definitely not as a vegetarian. Therefore, conflicts tend to arise quite often for me, as I am attacked and ridiculed for my beliefs again and again.

I've always had an accepting view of the world and of others' ideas, but it's difficult to have a discussion with someone over central issues when everything we talk about turns into an argument or debate of some sort. Discussions are not a one-way street.

As a teenager, I've joined countless online social networking sites, and particulary Myspace comes to mind when I think about this topic. Utilizing the "group" networking on Myspace allows you to join forces with those who believe the same as you about a certain topic, and to discuss issues with those who agree -- but you always have the scammer, the annoying person who joins a group purely for the same of argument. He or she comments on your group posts, clearly stating his or her disagreement, and sparking an argument or two that causes more chaos than not.

I believe, truly, that we have all become too selfish and consumed with being "right" that we can no longer learn to work together. Remember kindergarten? Everything you ever needed to know, and yet we've lost the "sharing" ability and even the "listening" ability in the midst of our "argument culture." There's a reason why I tend to stay as far as I possibly can away from politics.

I hope that Tannen continues to make her arguement (not spark one) against our culture's overwhelmingly pathetic obsession with negative communication. I'd love to see it change.